| I will find someone who is not resistant to loving me, and who won't take any convincing to be with me. |
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| about how much I miss you when you're gone, or how much I wish we had more time to be together. Clearly what I thought was me communicating how much I love you was just stressing you out and making you feel like this distance was too much for me. The distance sucks, but it's manageable. I would rather see you infrequently than never see you again. It's a compromise I'm willing to make because I love you, and true love is patient and compromising. I know if we just wait things will get better and easier for us in time. We just have to have faith in our love, and each other, and wait it out. |
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| I love you so much, there has to be a way to fix it. |
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| If I don't, I might notice all the holes in the stitching. I might notice how I'm fraying and wearing thin and that this skin is terribly ill-fitting. If I don't keep moving, the chilly hand of sadness might creep its way into my bones. I might start thinking, and thinking is the enemy right now. I don't want to think. I don't want to feel. I don't want to cope. I want to run. I want to run and run and run because maybe that will help? Maybe it will get me out of here, maybe I can outrun the hurt and the sadness and the failure and the anger. Maybe I can outrun the words I wish I'd never heard. The words I so wish you would take back but you can't take back, even if you wanted to. When I woke up Saturday morning, I had a good relationship with a wonderful person that I loved more than anyone could ever love anyone. When I went to sleep Saturday night, I had a broken relationship with a person who doesn't see a future with me; who sees an expiration date in August, where I saw a challenge we would face and beat together. He doesn't even want to try. I can't dwell. I must keep moving. I gave him everything. Literally, everything that I had to give. And I don't know what else I could have done to make him love me more. To make him love me enough to try. I went to sleep Saturday night with the realization that he doesn't love me like I thought he did. He doesn't love me like I love him. He doesn't love me as much as he loves his freedom. I don't know if I can go back. How do you stay with someone who's told you that they see no future with you? How do you leave someone that you love more than anything, and anyone, including yourself? Where am I supposed to go from here? |
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| -A white mug, with "Good Morning Handsome" written on it in black cursive -Beer brewing kit |
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